Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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