I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
zippers are such a cool invention
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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