That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
