Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
