I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
MIDGETS
????
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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