Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
