Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm bleeding and have questions
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
