he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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