i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
