Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
