i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
