For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
