i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
