apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
