well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
