Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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