Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
