Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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