office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
