Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
This toilet bowl is my home.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
