I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
