Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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