She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
