You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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