Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
