Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
