why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
