Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
