Pants 0. Shit 1.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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