my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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