hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
