Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
