Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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