I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
