just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
