broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I have post one night stand depression
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
