they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
