While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
