Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Girls should come with a carfax report
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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