so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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