You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
