drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
