oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
