a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
