You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
