as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
