I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
