4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
