she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
