i just had sex bonerless
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
