Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
