I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize