now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
