Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
