What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
