just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just gift wrapped bread.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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