You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Let's get the cat blown out
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
