I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
