508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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