my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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