mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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