thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
