Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
