You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
