dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
