Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
