this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
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