CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
