Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize