Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
