I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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