I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
