You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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