nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
