I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
they need to just BURY HIM!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
