I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
